- Prop the door closed when you go to the privy
- Double check to make sure you’re not related to someone before becoming romantically involved
- Never mock dwarves or imps if you know what’s good for you
- Always take a knee when you encounter a King or Queen or they’ll take your head
- Don’t tease or bully girls especially tomboyish types who might learn to use a sword very well at your own peril
- It’s always best to avoid getting into a fight but if you can’t avoid it and find yourself in a battle and it appears you’ve won please do not go into a victorious monologue. Make sure your opponent is indeed vanquished or else risk allowing them to steal victory from the jaws of defeat at your own expense. This is especially important if your foe is much bigger than you are.
- Pro tip of the heart: if you break a woman’s heart that you were engaged to marry and her father invites you to celebrate another wedding, please respectfully decline the invitation. Do not attend or else risk looking like a complete fool or worse.
- Don’t be nosy or else pay the price for sticking your nose in other people’s business
- Always treat ladies with respect especially those who own dragons
- Be ever wary of eunuchs for they usually have the most balls (figuratively speaking of course) and weave a devious web of deception. Be careful with the quiet ones.
- Never turn your back on a wilding woman especially those you sleep with and betray
- Sometimes it’s wise to disobey your mom if she’s sounding cray cray Lately and her decisions seem ultra questionable
- Don’t judge a book by its cover… or a lady by the armor she wears
- It’s wise to let your guests eat cake first
- Don’t play in the woods especially on the other side of the wall
- If you happen to suffer the unfortunate horror of castration (and not by marriage but the physical kind) then please remember my advice about eunuchs